Love and Loss
by catchastar
Summary: Love and loss are not strangers in my life and whenever they come they come together. A Mary Fic.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Hi guys :). This fic will be exploring Mary's and Carlos relationship. This fic will be split up in short parts and it will all be in Mary's point of view. I will hopefully be updating this twice a week :) Enjoy .

**_Love and Loss_**

_**Part 1: Acceptance**_

_Love and loss are not strangers in my life. And whenever they come, they come together. I think that is why I've run, run so many times. It's hard for me to settle, and it's especially hard for me to trust. Others around me, who think they know me, see me as a person who is confident and who doesn't get easily offended. Where as the real me, and I hate to admit it, is sensitive and scared. _

_The first person to see that person was somehow the only person I'd let in. Carlos._

_I really wondered after our time together was over, how he found his way into my heart._

_I've come to realize it was his love, gentles and genuine nature that first captured me. And the first time I made a mistake, he was the first person I'd ever known to smile and shrug it off. He gave me something no one else had ever given me, and that was acceptance. And my Family, God knows I love them, they just couldn't give me that. They could never quite figure me out._

_And Carlos? Well I fell for him quickly and hard and before I knew it we were married, it was so fast but I loved him and he loved me, he loved me so much more. _

_He was so caring and loving to me that sometimes it used to scare me. I couldn't believe I had ended up with a man who loved me for me, and looked out for me constantly. I was always his first priority and growing up in a house with 7 kids I had never experienced that before._

_Of course the thoughts of not deserving such attention of this flooded my mind often. Yet on a daily basis, Carlos would somehow, with him not knowing it, be able to wash all those thoughts away._

_I remember the first time I ran away……………._

_TBC_


	2. Chapter 2

_A/n: Here it is guys, part two. Thanks to _rancid99, Kaelea13 and stargzr1690 for the reviews :)

**Love and Loss**

**Part 2: Run with you**

It was just after we had gotten married. When I think back I feel incredibly selfish, for him to wake up in the morning after our wedding and not see me in the bed beside him, it would have been terrifying. Yet when he found me that afternoon, there was no anger, only the calm Carlos I knew.

"**How did you find me"?**

**He took in the surroundings and shrugged.**

"**I know you"**

**He sat down beside her. Staring with her out the window.**

"**How Carlos? We've been married for one day and been together for only a few weeks, how"?**

**A hint of smile appeared.**

"**You come here because when you're here you not in any certain place, you're in between everywhere and that makes you feel safe"**

**Mary turned to stare at him and whispered, "Wow, you really do know me"**

**After a few moments of silence she took his hand "I'm sorry Carlos"**

**He cupped her cheek "It's ok"**

**She shook her head "It's not, see everything was just going so fast and I was " she took in a deep breath and he placed his finger on her lips to silence her.**

"**You don't have to say it"**

**She kissed his finger "I can't promise that It won't happen again" she said somewhat shamefully.**

"**That's ok," he answered reassuringly as he kissed her temple. "I'm always going to be here, to run with you"**

**Her eyes welled up "I love you Carlos"**

**He squeezed her hand "I love you too"**

**The stood up and he grabbed her bag. **

"**So here we are in an airport, we can go anywhere, where do you want to go"?**

**She whispered "Home"**

**TBC**


	3. Chapter 3

**_Love and Loss_**

_**Part 3: Surprise**_

The next 3 months of our marriage seemed like a dream. I couldn't believe how happy being with Carlos made me. I'd wake up every morning, Breakfast would be ready and he'd take me to work and kiss me goodbye. He was always there when I finished work, whether it was at 10pm or 4am in the morning to take me home. For once I understood what couples meant about the honeymoon part of the marriage. I just hadn't expected it to end so soon.

_**Mary had waited 4 hours for Carlos to leave. She bit her lip and it was only because she had forced him out of the house by using the excuse she needed tomato sauce to make pizza, her husband wasn't stupid; they had had pizza last night. He gave her an amused smile before leaving the house.**_

_**Now 15 minutes later, she was seated on the bathroom bench, her feet swinging back and forth as she nervously waited for the timer to go off. She rubbed her upset stomach and stared at the phone beside her.**_

_**Desperately wanting to talk someone, she decided it was best to call her sister. However after a moment's consideration she hang up before her sister could answer. Lucy now, even though 21 years of age, could still not keep a secret.**_

_**She then decided to ring the only person who knew everything about, her. The good and all the bad. Someone who had always been there for her. A person she still needed, especially right now. A person she had hurt deeply.**_

_**She knew it was selfish, but still punched in the numbers anyway.**_

" _**Hello"**_

"_**Hi"**_

"_**Mary"?**_

_**The sound of a loud buzzer filled the room, and Mary reached over to turn it off. **_

_**She reached for the other object and burst into tears.**_

"_**Mary, what's wrong?"**_

"_**I'm pregnant"**_

_**TBC**_

Thanks to stargzr1690 for the review, I'm glad you liked the last chapter :), I'm sorry this one was short, but Part 4 will be longer.


	4. Chapter 4

A/n: Hi guys waves sorry it's been so long . Thanks for the reviews and enjoy this chapter. Just a reminder this fic is Au as it is my version of Mary and Carlo's story and exploring their relationship. Hope you like :)

**_ Love and Loss_**

**_ Part 4: Fear holds it in _**

_Two months had passed since I discovered I was pregnant and I still hadn't told Carlos. The only person who knew was the person I spoke to on the day. Luckily I hadn't heard from him since. _

_But Carlos wasn't completely ignorant, he knew something was wrong and at times I would find him staring at me for minutes at a time. I always turned my head away and when he asked if everything was all right, I'd always turn back to him plaster a fake smile on my face answering of course. That one word seemed to satisfy him and I would always let out a little sigh of relief._

And then the time came to go back home and visit my family. The day before we left was an open sign to Carlos that despite the fact I'd told him everything was all right it clearly wasn't. 

_When the phone rang Carlos had answered the phone. He looked confused as Wilson's voice sounded through the speaker's huge congratulations._

_I ran to him quickly and snatched the phone off of him. He looked at me skeptically._

**_"Congratulations for what"?_**

"_**On our marriage"**_

He had raised a brow before picking up a suitcase and taking it out to the taxi that was waiting for us out front.

"**_What are you doing calling here"_** _Wilson sighed through the phone_

**_"You haven't told him have you"?_**

I was silent for a moment.

"_**No" **I whispered clearly ashamed._

"_**You have to tell him"**_

"**I know I just need more time"**

"_**Mary if you don't tell him the baby will end up telling him"**_

"_**I just need time"**_

"_**Mary"**_

"_**I'm scared ok, imagine how my family are going to react when they found out, they'll be disappointed I'm so young"**_

"_**Why worry about them, Think of Carlos he is your husband Mary"**_

"_**They don't know"**_

"**_Don't know what"?_**

"_**About the whole husband thing"**_

"_**Oh"**_

"_**Yeah"**_

"_**Not so good"**_

"_**I know"**_

_There was a moment's silence_

"_**Otherwise how are you"?**_

"_**Ok, Been feeling sick a lot lately"**_

"_**That's to be expected"**_

"_**Yeah"**_

"_**Well I have to go"**_

"_**Mary"?**_

**_"Yeah"_**

"_**It'll be ok"**_

_I sighed, **" Thanks Wilson, I hope so"**_

**_>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>_**

_Our flight was far too quick for my liking. I soon found myself outside the front door of my parent's home , with Carlos hand in mine_.

_This sure wasn't going to be easy._

_And it wasn't. My parents were shocked to see Carlos and even more blown away by the newfound knowledge that he was my husband._

_Soon people were running up and down stairs, whispers passing from one mouth to another's ear._

_It was very uncomfortable._

_And my family being the insightful people theywere sensed there was more, but luckily enough time decided to be on my side for a change. Once the dreadful dinner was over and everyone upstairs having an early night It was just Carlos and I sitting on the foldout bed, set up in the family den._

_I knew it was the time now , little did I expect he'd be the one to tell me the news._

TBC 


	5. Chapter 5

**_Love and Loss_**

**_ Chapter 5_**

**_ Ever seeing ever knowing_**

Sitting beside Carlos that night, felt like I was sitting beside a parent, getting ready to fess up.

_I took in a deep breath then slowly let it out. My hands now clasped in my lap were just itching to move around in frenzy._

_Then he faced me and gave me his smile._

"It's been a good visit" he commented

I nodded, yep and I was about to ruin the perfect visit with a shattering announcement. 

He cocked his head to the side and grasped my shaking hand in his.

"Mary"?

"Hmm" I answered my gaze set on my hands.

"Look at me" he asked somewhat pleadingly.

And when I did look at him I didn't see a disappointed parent, but rather the caring husband that had been there all along, why was it I always seemed to miss the fact that he was always on my side.

_Maybe cause you don't deserve him_, answered another part of my mind.

I shook my head to rid myself of the thought.

"I know Mary"

My heart leapt into my throat.

"I know that you've been keeping something to yourself, I know you've been calling Wilson" he continued. And yet it wasn't in an angry or accusing town.

Which made me all the more nervous, damn, how did he always manage to remain so calm?

I sighed and placed my face in my hands "How"? Was all I could manage to ask.

He scooted closer to me.

"How could I not? I'm not blind Mary"

"I know I'm sorry"

This time he laughed "why? This isn't bad news"

"But I kept it from you"

He nodded, "I know, we can talk about that later for now we should celebrate"

His eyes were twinkling in excitement, and I was starting to find it contagious.

He nudged me playfully "Say it"! He whispered. And for the first time of saying this I felt truly happy.

"We're going to have a baby"

I now had hope that everything would be ok, of course I still had to tell my parents.

TBC


End file.
